People talk about me. The talk is not always flattering, and my critics seem to grow like weeds. Because my life has a public dimension, there’s been lots of talk both good and bad about me over the decades so I’m used to it. Sort of.
Believe it or not, people talk about you. The question is, what are people saying about you and why? You might think, ”I really don’t care what people say about me.” Well, that’s not 100% true. Deep down you do care, and you should care. It does matter what people think and say about you. If they are negative about you or just don’t like you, that door of influence is closed — and that’s not good.
When I was younger I tended to assume that negative comments about me were the fault of the people who were making them. It was their fault if they had bad attitudes, prejudice, persecution, or jealousy of my life, my successes or my good looks. I would get very “spiritual” and blame negativity towards me on the devil. I took no responsibility and called it some vague form of spiritual warfare.
Some of that may be true. We could indeed be in a place of demonically motivated attacks, but that does not cover all of life situations. Jealousy, malice, or resentment motivating people to talk negatively about us may be only a small percentage of the time.
Think of it positively. If I change the way I treat people, they are going to change their behaviour towards me.
More realistically, our own behaviour in words and actions are mostly the reason why we are treated and spoken about negatively. Those words and actions are choices we make. The way we say things, our tone of voice, our body language — are all choices. The attitudes we project are choices. The things we communicate can be misinterpreted. So to some extent, we are treated exactly as we deserve to be treated.
The golden rule of the Bible is, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Remember that for every action there is a corresponding reaction. How much of our trouble with people is caused by our own actions? Sometimes we feel that nasty thing about us is needed as a boss or leader to get people to obey. But there is always a kind and gentle way to lead or parent or influence.
I remember a friend of mine who had been in leadership for many years who always instructed his office staff how to conduct business. “We always get what we want, but we do it in a nice way.” I knew him well; he was no pushover. And yes, he always got what he wanted. He persuaded you nicely but firmly, and you actually ended up happy.
This is also the law of reaping and sowing. What you plant you reap. There is a direct connection between our words and actions and what happens to us. If you don’t like the harvest you are reaping, change what you are planting.
The point of this is not to make us feel guilty about our life or personality quirks. Most of us have a few. But I am suggesting you take the negatives seriously and honestly rather than dismissing them as something weird that just happens. This is especially true if people react to you consistently in a negative way.
For most of us, change is difficult. If you are getting bad press, it’s easy to dismiss that and blame it on everyone else. I think we react like that because we really have no idea about how to change things. If a lot of negativity is swirling around in your life, you need a friend or two whom you can ask, “Can you honestly tell me how I come across to others? What do I need to change…”
To be that honest may take some real fortitude. But then you can make a plan of action. You may have to change your attitudes, tone of voice, body language, or listening skills in order for people to watch your way of living and working in relationship with others so that they can say different things about you.
Think of it positively. If I change the way I treat people, they are going to change their behaviour towards me. In essence, I have almost total control over the way I will be treated in the future.
It’s never too late to change, even a little. And what a blessing to hear good things and positive things said about how I live! It’s worth it.
