It just dawned on me, my faith is not enough! I thought it was but God told me through His word that it was not. I was in a false state that my faith was enough, that my confidence in God is faith. Sadly it was not.
Here is God’s word for me today: Matthew 17:20, “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”
Suddenly, the realization came. God was speaking to me. It was as if I can see Jesus, who was speaking to His disciples in this verse, pointing at me too. Jesus gave this rebuke to the disciples because they were not able to drive out a demon from a boy whose father brought to them first.
Remember that by this time, the disciples have been with Jesus for a couple of years already. Jesus called them faithless and corrupt. How could it be after these people have spent time with Jesus almost 24/7? Their faith should have been great already right? But it was not.
A few chapters before, they thought Jesus was a ghost while walking on water. They did not know what to do the second time they had to feed a multitude. Peter was even rebuked and named Satan by Jesus. Three of them even saw Jesus transfigured and have seen Moses and Elijah with their own eyes. Truly, the length of time being a believer is not directly proportional to an increase in faith. Its an illusion to many. Alas, many who have known the Lord for a long time still does not have the kind of faith that can heal the sick and drive out demons–like these disciples.
I realize that like these disciples I too have been faithless. There were only a few times in my long Christian life that I have experienced praying for someone for healing and seeing it happened. I just console myself that it was not yet God’s time for is person to be healed or delivered. Probably, i was just fooling myself–or not. I may have great confidence in what Jesus can do but it does not mean i have faith as small as a mustard seed that can say to a mountain to move from here to there.
I’ve prayed for a lot of people for healing and have seen only a few receiving it. For a person who has known Jesus for over 23 years, i suspect that my kind is nowhere near where Jesus would
Ike it to be. It is jus good that Jesus is patient with me. He truly abounds in grace. If He was just a man, he would probably have gave up on me. No He is not and did not gave up on me. Jesus loves me and this i know. I can still have that faith that He described.