Choosing Grace Over Grudges

Bitterness always promises power, but it never delivers. It tells us that holding on will protect us, justify us, or somehow balance the scales. Yet the longer we clutch our grudges, the more they clutch us. They drain our joy, cloud our judgment, and quietly shape our identity around past wounds instead of present possibilities.

Grace does the opposite. It frees. It softens without weakening, restores without pretending, and strengthens without hardening the heart. Graciousness is not forgetting the offense, nor is it excusing what was wrong. It is choosing not to let the wound define who we become. It is deciding that peace is better than poison.

In the end, grudges keep us trapped in yesterday. Grace moves us forward.

Psychologically, grace breaks the cycle of rumination; spiritually, it opens the door for healing; relationally, it creates space where growth can begin again. When we offer grace — even when it is difficult, even when it feels undeserved — we interrupt the very patterns that bitterness tries to reinforce.

In the end, grudges keep us trapped in yesterday. Grace moves us forward. And every time we choose it, we reclaim our emotional freedom and our ability to live with clarity, compassion, and strength.

Fred Tokė, aka Dr. Tokėmon, is a Clinical Psychologist by training and was a former adjunct professor at Nanyang Technological University. He is also a guest lecturer at the University of Malaysia Sabah’s Faculty of Medicine. Besides teaching, he also provides clinical psychotherapy services to the downtrodden and the discouraged.

Check out Dr. Toke’s Article Archive HERE.

Follow Dr. Tokemon’s Facebook page HERE.