This was a question asked of Peter and me over a TV network interview. These are a few of our answers:
POOR COMMUNICATION
Shouting uncontrollably and blasting away at your mate, saying, “Well, that’s just how I feel and I can’t do anything about it!” As Christians our HEAD is Christ, so ask yourself: Is what I’m about to say be pleasing to GOD, to JESUS?
Check your heart, control your anger. Listening first is crucial. Attacking your spouse and engaging in the blame game is to be avoided. “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back” (Proverbs 29:11).
BITTERNESS and UNFORGIVENESS
The ANTIDOTE to anger and bitterness is FORGIVENESS. Through the years of marriage, we’ll invariably hurt and blame each other. Avoid saying, “If you didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have burst and yelled at you!” Stop blaming your spouse for your own shortcoming or sin. You’re responsible for your own reaction! Rather say: “The LORD is convicting me of my sinful anger. I know I have fallen short before GOD and before you. Will you forgive me?”
“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as GOD in CHRIST also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32).
ILL-TEMPER EXPRESSED in ANGER and ABUSIVE SPEECH
Any form of expression of anger is always destructive! In marriage, anger is used to INTIMIDATE and MANIPULATE your spouse. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, for man’s anger does not bring about GOD’S righteousness” (James 1:19-20).
GOD gave us two ears so we listen more and just one mouth, so we speak less!
SEXUAL IMMORALITY
Starts on the thought level, coming from the heart as a wellspring of all activities of life. Includes lusting after other women or men through pornography, which is MENTAL ADULTERY.
“If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away..” (Matthew 5:29ff) Simply means DEAL with this SIN RADICALLY, immediately! Don’t play with fire. It burns and destroys
DRUG and ALCOHOL ABUSE
Alcohol, if used to escape from your problems, is no longer healthy because it leads to addiction or habitual use. Turning to alcohol and drugs for the solution to your problem is a sin that’ll damage your marriage. You are to TRUST GOD!
LACK of FINANCIAL SUPPORT
When being a provider in the family cannot be met, it becomes more difficult to look up to your man with respect. Both husband and wife can wisely talk about how to help each other, but failure to face the problem and deal with it can cause harm to the marriage.
These are but a number of reasons and there are other more reasons why marriages are damaged and destroyed. Bottom line: SELFISHNESS and PRIDE are the prevalent factors interwoven in the different causes of damage in a marriage.
“But in your hearts revere CHRIST as LORD…” (1 Peter 3:15)
“…live a life worthy of the LORD and please HIM in every way…” (Colossians 1:10)
